things no one tells you about growing up

we are so hell-bent on growing up
and asserting independence,
but so far adulthood only consists of
anxious and depressive moments:
we watch those who have raised us
continue to age
while we feel pressured to act like we can handle the main stage.
we journey on an elusive job search
just to make enough to barely survive,
and freely date
just to find a partner that will endure this suffering with us for life.
are we supposed to believe
that eventually, we will achieve
a state of content,
especially when worldwide headlines
are filled with evil and unspeakable events?
we use social media to cover up the fact
that we are in pain
when in reality,
we take advantage of the smallest,
positive moments
just to keep us from going insane.

the sound of silence

Not my photo; credits to photographer

the sound of silence
can be so loud.
you want to shout out
that you’re not okay,
but a constant war rages on between your mind and your mouth.
you don’t want to burden others with your troubles,
so you keep every thought to yourself.
while it may make you seem aloof,
you yearn for anyone to take notice.
just as positivity radiates at our highest highs,
we all need that energy reciprocated at our lowest.

the dark side of nostalgia

*Not my photo, credits to original photographer*

nostalgia is an evil bitch
on a fervid mission to destroy my present.
she only cares to convince me that
what i once had
is better than what i have.
i long to be the girl i used to be–
when heartbreak or tragic headlines
didn’t poison my mind with hopelessness.
what should provide me with moments of warmth,
only feels like a giant ball of regrets
and reminders that my youthful innocence has passed.

behind closed doors

they marvel at her beauty and grace,
but behind closed doors,
is a different story.
the pressure to achieve perfection
surmounts overhead.
maybe if she keeps up this facade,
no one will ever have to know the real her.
she has a bizarre habit of pushing people away–
a safety net accumulated to avoid experiencing heartbreak.
she convinces herself that it is easier this way:
the mystery behind a person somehow always attracts attention.
she can deny it all she wants,
but she craves to be loved by anyone.


at fifteen, she fell in love
with writing.

in the wake of her darkest hours,
it allowed her to re-collect
a mind in shambles.

and when she looks back
to old journals
as pieces of self-reflection,
she knits together dreams and thoughts of the past

to mend her present.

love will rise

you memorialize the ones we’ve lost,
but it is all a sham.
you spew words of hatred
while sporting a creepy grin;
in an attempt to tear us apart.

i can only hope that
one day,
we will show true compassion to our neighbors
and love will rise above all.

no safe space

anxious thoughts slowly became a scapegoat
as to why she wouldn’t follow her dreams.
there were too many voices around her
affirming her deepest fears.
rather than listening to her own,
she gave in and settled for familiarity.

she searched for sanctuary;
a place to feel everything
she didn’t want to feel
and allowed the darkness
to swallow her whole.